I woke up yesterday morning wanting to clear my head and stretch my legs. Now that Christmas is over, jazz is my comfort music of choice so with Kurt Elling, Miles Davis and Thelonius Monk flowing through my headphones, I bundled up and headed out.
That clear blue sky was deceiving. The second I stepped out of the lobby and onto the city sidewalk, the sharp, cold air swiped the breath from my lungs. It was refreshing, really, and so I continued.
The end of years is a funny thing. Even when extolling that resolutions are over-hyped, waxing philosophical that taking stock of your life or setting new goals this one time a year is ridiculous, I can’t help but find myself pressed to find what I want to be different in the next year. What do I want to do in 2013? What am I going to go after, how am I going to live this particular year? Because, apparently, it has to be very different than the last. Even as I write the words, it strikes me as silly but here I am, searching for new intentions.
I currently have the flu and my body is literally getting rid of everything that doesn’t belong there. It’s sort of ironic. 2012 felt a lot like that, a removal of things that didn’t belong there anymore. I let go of several toxic friendships. I held on to anxiety that did not belong to me and ultimately, finally, that cleansed itself out as well. I discovered my place within my job by figuring out what I did not want to be, that I was my strongest when I held space for others to be who they really were by being who I really am. Because in the end, that’s all I really want. I want to be who I am and have people in my life who really know that person. And for that to be enough. For that to be great.
So as my body cleanses itself of 2012, I suppose my resolution is this: I am who I am this year, with no apologies or restrictions and I have the strength to not just surround myself with people who support that but that I support that in others.
Now, will someone get me another cup of hot water and honey?