Luna Bell is coping with her anxiety disorder very well, thank you for asking.
True Story: My Cat Has an Anxiety Disorder
I am not even kidding.
If you recall, we’ve been having some behavioral issues with Luna Bell. When she was at the vet for a checkup this week, I asked the vet about it. She asked a lot of questions (Is it only when outside people come into your home? Has anything changed in her life in the last few months?) and after I explained that yes, dinner parties are problematic, yes, Ryan has been gone for work a lot and we saw her little paws sweating, the vet had a diagnosis:
Luna Bell has an anxiety disorder.
What the wha?!
Thought 1: My poor LB! Thought 2: Am I seriously having a conversation about pet anxiety?!?
Apparently, changes in LB’s environment throw her for a loop, she can’t deal and so she “lashes out irrationally”, i.e. latching herself onto people via her teeth.
Don’t worry- there is a spray or a diffuser that we can plug in the wall that will emit pheromones that will calm her down. Kitty Xanax, if you will.
In all fairness, she gets it honestly. Ryan and I aren’t exactly “easy going” people- there’s a fair amount of anxiety going on at all times. Oh my god, I gave my cat anxiety, I create an anxious environment. How am I ever going to have children???
Shit- we live on Lake Shore Drive. What if traffic gives Luna Bell anxiety??? Should I be closing the blinds around 5 o’clock?
Maybe I’ll just get a few of those diffusers, position them around the apartment, calm us all down a bit. Because I swear, for as much as I cannot believe I’m having a conversation about pet anxiety, I really cannot have one about pet therapy.
Potatoes Beyonce
I want a new cat.
We’ve been having some behavioral issues with Luna Bell (ahem, biting hard- wha?!), probably because she likes Ryan more than she likes me (traitor) and since he’s out of town for work, I’m the one stuck with devil cat. I got mad the other day and threatened to send Luna Bell to my mom’s house to live out her kitty days and get a new cat.
I would name the new cat Potatoes Beyonce.
Potatoes because it’s hilarious/random and Beyonce after big metal chickens.
Ryan’s response was that he hates Potatoes Beyonce and would refuse to feed Potatoes Beyonce and would never forgive me for replacing Luna Bell with Potatoes Beyonce. Hearing him say Potatoes Beyonce so many times made me giggle and I wanted a new kitty even more.
In reality, we will probably get a dog in the next few years and if I were actually to get Potatoes Beyonce, we would then have 3 pets. Which is way too many considering we are urban dwellers and a yard and/or big house isn’t exactly in the cards.
So for now I’ll carry on with Luna Bell. Perhaps I’ll do some research into kitty therapy…
(image via fuckyeahkitties)