True Story: My Cat Has an Anxiety Disorder

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I am not even kidding.

If you recall, we’ve been having some behavioral issues with Luna Bell.  When she was at the vet for a checkup this week, I asked the vet about it.  She asked a lot of questions (Is it only when outside people come into your home?  Has anything changed in her life in the last few months?) and after I explained that yes, dinner parties are problematic, yes, Ryan has been gone for work a lot and we saw her little paws sweating, the vet had a diagnosis:

Luna Bell has an anxiety disorder.

What the wha?!

Thought 1: My poor LB!  Thought 2: Am I seriously having a conversation about pet anxiety?!?

Apparently, changes in LB’s environment throw her for a loop, she can’t deal and so she “lashes out irrationally”, i.e. latching herself onto people via her teeth.

Don’t worry- there is a spray or a diffuser that we can plug in the wall that will emit pheromones that will calm her down.  Kitty Xanax, if you will.

In all fairness, she gets it honestly.  Ryan and I aren’t exactly “easy going” people- there’s a fair amount of anxiety going on at all times.  Oh my god, I gave my cat anxiety, I create an anxious environment.  How am I ever going to have children???

Shit- we live on Lake Shore Drive.  What if traffic gives Luna Bell anxiety???  Should I be closing the blinds around 5 o’clock?

Maybe I’ll just get a few of those diffusers, position them around the apartment, calm us all down a bit.  Because I swear, for as much as I cannot believe I’m having a conversation about pet anxiety, I really cannot have one about pet therapy.